Where have you been?

September 8, 2009 at 1:08 am · Filed under Uncategorized

I know, I know, I haven’t been posting much lately.  I’ve been dealing with classes starting up again, and starting a new blog about eating gluten-free frugally.  I may write here a little less than I had been, but the blog is still active.  I’m still wrestling with Christian concepts, praying, and walking along this journey.

The one thing I’ve been struggling with most since my vacation to Amish country was this idea of Peter being handed the keys to heaven.  I’m not completely convinced one way or the other what this means about the papacy.  I don’t really have the energy right now to write out all my thoughts on this, but just know it’s weighing on my mind.

I have this other post I’ve been wanting to write for a long time explaining my political experiences and how those intertwine with my religious experiences.  I think it’s a post that needs to be written, if only so I get it out of my system and say what I need to say, whether it’s read or not.  In any case, there’s more to come, and I promise I haven’t given up on this blog.

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The Importance of Routine

August 30, 2009 at 3:17 am · Filed under Living the Faith ·Tagged , , , , , ,

I’m not sure if I’ve written on this topic before, probably in snippets here and there, and it’s late so I’m not going to go searching.  As you can see, I haven’t updated in a few days… maybe more… okay, definitely more.  Classes just started, wedding planning hit some snags, and it’s been HOT here to the point of delirium.  I wish I were kidding.  Not that these are excuses for not writing regularly–except that they are in a way.

I have no regular routine yet.  I should say still. I still have no regular routine.  I have too many things to do and not enough time to do them in, much less time to get that list organized with longer-scale goals too.  Plus, whenever I try to set up a routine for myself, it gets too complicated, and I end up being too hard on myself for not getting everything done the way I had planned.

Part of this is because before I was diagnosed with celiac, I was tired constantly.  I don’t have that issue anymore, and I can even cope better with early mornings/late nights now.  But I also still have insomnia.  I’ve had insomnia since the onset of puberty, and it’s awful to try to deal with.  The strategies for combating insomnia are always variations on the same things that don’t work for me, and so clearly seem to be designed by someone who never had insomnia in his life, and so for more than a decade now, my routine has been thrown off at inconvenient times by insomnia, if I had a routine to begin with.

Sometimes heat does it, sometimes it’s some little noise that’s keeping me awake, sometimes it’s psychological in nature, but mostly it’s just annoying.  But what I noticed while on vacation early in the month was that when a routine was imposed upon my by my mother-in-law, it basically worked.  We had time during the day to nap as needed because we were in the car driving around most of the time, and generally speaking we also had some flexibility about bedtime as well–and I took advantage of that by going to bed early most nights.  And even the time we woke up was somewhat flexible–though it never deviated more than an hour +/- the same time every day.  At its core, this routine was based on what needed to get done when, with some flexibility surrounding sleeping.  There was no hard deadline for getting up–just so long as we were at the breakfast table for family breakfast at 8:30AM, after which was family devotional time and prayer, and then we were free to go finish doing whatever we were doing.

And it just seems so obvious now–my frustrations about my routines as a teenager were based entirely on the lack of flexibility to make my routine work for me.  I had more homework than could be completed by a 9 or 10 PM bedtime, but I had to be awake at 6:30 AM to get to my morning classes.  I’m an insomniac, so sometimes going to bed at 11PM wouldn’t actually net me more than about 6 hours of sleep what with waiting to fall asleep for awhile.  And six hours is simply not enough for me on a regular basis.  I was doing far too much for a teenager, and not giving myself time to wind down, or the flexibility necessary to cope with my insomnia.

I still don’t know what I’m going to do as far as routine-setting, but I’m hoping I can come up with a doable one organically over the next week or two.  I have classes at 8AM Monday and Wednesday, so I need to be awake by 6:30 AM to get there on time with coffee consumed and hygiene achieved.  But I also don’t need to be up at 6:30 AM every day of the week, nor could I sustain that since it would mean never getting to do anything in the evening beyond 9 PM (and here in LA, that’s a “late-ish” dinner time, with 8 PM being the more likely hour for dinner, due to rush hour traffic).

In any case, without routine, blogs languish, goals languish, health languishes, and so does sanity.  Without some kind of routine, I’ve been unable to make time for God in my life, much less for myself or my responsibilities (self-imposed or otherwise, they’re still important to me).  And so then when some big change comes along, such as the start of the Fall Semester, and I’ve given no thought to my routine, this happens–I don’t write like I want to, or as often as I feel like it.

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Seven Quick Takes: Geeky edition

August 14, 2009 at 11:14 am · Filed under Quick Takes, Works for me ·Tagged , , , , , , , , , ,

Hosted by Jennifer over at Conversion Diary.

— 1 —

I got an Xbox 360 last night along with a video game I’ve been trying to play on my computer for ages now (actually since May when my brother introduced me to it).  The video game is Fallout 3, and it’s a combination of role-playing game and first-person shooter.  Totally not for the kids.  But it’s got all these religious themes and brings up some interesting questions in the course of play that it’s become enthralling to say the least.  Early on in the game you can set the tone for what sort of character you really are when you are faced with a few choices that depending on how you play them out will either make your character good or evil (through losing/gaining karma points).  While not overtly Christian, it does contain a passage from the Bible early on, and is a post-apocalyptic story-line.  I highly recommend it for those not faint of heart who enjoy video games.

— 2 —

I have two blogs now.  The other one hasn’t officially launched yet, but I’m finding it difficult to find the time for both.  I’ve scoured the internet and read some of my regular blogs on the subject, but managing time for all that I’m doing this fall is going to be…  difficult at best.  Four classes, two blogs, a wedding to plan, and an apartment to take care of….  I’m already feeling overwhelmed and I haven’t even started yet.

— 3 —

I’ve had a lot of questions recently about the Bible, various books in it, and various theological positions who take their authority from the Bible, but nonetheless contradict one another.  I’m surprised to say this, but I’ve found Wikipedia to be a fantastic resource for finding lists of relevant passages and explanations of the positions taken are usually fairly neutral and kindhearted.

— 4 —

Anyone else read Jennifer’s entry on the role of the wife in a marriage?  I did and I found it so mind-blowing that I had to forward it to another friend of mine who also struggles with the concept of submitting to a husband.  I think we both missed a big key part of all this–if your husband follows God’s commandments, he will always act out to the best of his ability in love and respect towards you.  Plus all the reasons Jennifer listed, it’s started to make logical sense, which is completely unexpected.  The spirit of feminism and Christianity are difficult to reconcile, and this prompted me to look up a few passages in the Bible about it.  I have far from a comprehensive understanding of what the Bible says, but this is all getting me way more interested in reading it.

winds-of-dune— 5 —

Since this is the Geeky Edition of Seven Quick Takes, I thought it worth mentioning, there’s a contest going on over my sweetie’s blog, MentatJack, to win some promotional swag from the publishers of The Winds of Dune.  The contest ends at midnight tonight PST, so get on over there and sign up to win!

And for those who are fans of Dune but didn’t keep up with the series, Brian Herbert is the original author’s son, and he co-wrote with his father prior to his death.  This is the continuation of that series.  Kevin J. Anderson is also known for the Saga of the Seven Suns.  That link will take you to the first in the series.

— 6 —

I have been on a budgeting rampage since we returned from vacation.  Seriously, TONS of details I haven’t had to manage before, because my own finances are pretty simple, mostly because I’ve been managing those for years now.  But I’m starting to take over managing the finances for both of us, since Steven’s not so fond of dealing with money, and twice the people means twice the budgeting.  I’m just glad I really like budgeting, and spreadsheets, or I could see how this might never get accomplished.

One thing I noticed though while doing this is that my spreadsheets look nothing like anyone else’s that I’ve ever seen.  I made a budget “according to the rules” way back when, and found it completely useless for managing money on a day-to-day basis.  Same with checkbook registers.  I can record my transactions, but once you have to manage a whole household, it gets tedious trying to add up how much you’ve spent in X category before you buy anything more at the grocery store.  Far easier to have what I like to call a “working budget” and a “planning budget”.  Both start with a long list down the left of all our financial obligations and expenses, as well as income sources.  That’s where the similarities end.  For the working budget, across the top I list months starting with last month and continuing on as far as I need to plan ahead for the purposes of short-term money management.  Then for each month I project out the dollar amounts for each item I listed on the left and calculate a balance at the bottom of the spreadsheet.  This balance carries over so that I can see how much we need or how much we have left over for the forseeable future.  Some of these amounts are estimates, and they have orange text.  When bills actually get paid and income recieved, I put the actual amount in the cell, replacing the estimated amount, then I highlight it in light blue and change the text to black to indicate that it’s been paid/recieved.  This means very simple categories of spending for the variable stuff that aren’t actual bills–auto/gas, groceries, restaurants, general household, and a flexible miscellaneous category for all the unforeseen and “fun” expenses.  I have target amounts for these that I want the actual expenditure to fall under every month.  If it doesn’t, we make up for it the following month.

The planning budget is less complicated–it has the same list along the left of all financial obligations, plus notes of how much each item is, which account it gets paid out of, whether automatic Bill Pay is set up, how often this gets paid, due dates, and any other pertinent information that I need to have handy, but don’t need on the working budget.

— 7 —

Going back east make both me and my sweetie a little nutty upon returning home to our LA life.  Neither of us likes our lives here, and as I’m becoming more and more aware that linguistics is unlikely to lead to the sort of career I want and need, I’m looking elsewhere at the other dreams I’ve had.  Steven is a web developer, and while he loves where he works and his job in general, he never wanted to be “a computer guy” for a living.  We’ve both been daydreaming about opening up a book shop somewhere back east closer to family, and I think the daydream alone is making me a little giddy.  I don’t know what it will take to get to that point, or even if we’ll decide to do it, but it’s what’s getting me through thoughts of this fall semester.

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In the world but not of the world

August 12, 2009 at 6:31 pm · Filed under Living the Faith ·Tagged , , , , ,

Romans 12:2 And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect.

John 17:14-16 I have given them Your word; and the world has hated them, because they are not of the world, even as I am not of the world.  I do not ask You to take them out of the world, but to keep them from the evil one.  They are not of the world, even as I am not of the world.

John 15:19 If you were of the world, the world would love its own; but because you are not of the world, but I chose you out of the world, because of this the world hates you.

(All taken from the New American Standard Bible.  These all translated fairly consistently from version to version, so I chose the translation that was easiest to read while being accurately translated as far as I could tell.)

I started this entry with a few passages from the Bible since they are relevant to what I’ve been thinking about lately.  Having visited Pennsylvania Amish country for less time than I would have liked last week, it’s only natural that I’d be thinking about what it means to live “in the world but not of it.”

First, I think it’s helpful to me to pull apart what these words really mean.  I know, this must all be very rudimentary for experienced Christians, but I’m a newb, so bare with me.  Without having actually gone into the translations themselves yet since that will take far more work on my part than is possible for this little meditation, I think I can start with just trying to figure out the phrases in the world, of the world, and out of the world.

In the world — This is a fairly easy one.  It means that as Christians we shouldn’t isolate ourselves from the outside world, helping and serving only our own, but physically, spiritually, and mindfully present in the world amongst those who do not believe.

Of the world — Prepositions are notoriously difficult to translate because they have different meanings in different languages.  This is hard to imagine for those who have never studied a foreign language, but “of” (and its equivalent in other languages) can have many different uses.  Even in English, the use of this word has changed a bit over the centuries.  I said I wasn’t going to delve into the translations here, so with that note, I’m going go with the usual understanding of the phrase.  From what I’ve gleaned from reading a few websites and in casual conversation, I think this is just what it sounds like, being “composed” of the world, or “coming from” the world.  “Derived from” might also be a good verb.

Out of the world — And now at this point, I can see much more clearly what it means to be have been chosen “out of the world” but to be not “of the world”.  To be in a group of people, a family even, but not be “composed” of the same stuff is entirely possible.  I’m not speaking in literal terms here, of course.  I share the DNA of my family, and even quite a bit in the way of personality, looks, health, etc.  But I think it’s fair to say that this distinction is embodied by my mother’s insistence that I “march to the beat of my own drummer”.  My worldview and my approach to the world never really matched my family’s.  I can’t really name a single family member that I have much in common with other than being related to them and having some common experiences.  I know those are huge things, but just like Christians who are part of a larger whole, sharing DNA and common experiences with those around them, their understanding of and reactions to these things are often testament to their inner composition which is different than the rest of the world.  As Christians, when we accepted Jesus as our Lord and Savior, we accepted that we would be changed by that.  Some of us never experienced actively that transition because we always believed–those are the lucky few who were faithfully raised in the Christian faith and who were faithful in it.  Most of us, however, have experienced being “of the world” and have likewise experienced that inner transformation of becoming “not of the world”.

There are many different takes on this concept of being in the world but not of it.  Some of us lean more towards being in the world while focusing less on not being of the world, where others prefer to place their efforts on being not of the world and so focusing less on being in the world. I really enjoy Amish theology, because while there are areas where I disagree, the Amish seem to succeed at much of what modern Protestant and Catholic Christians fail at.  We make far too little out of forgiveness and humility at times, and put too much emphasis on pointing out the flaws and immorality in the world instead.  This so clearly echoes the admonition about the log in the eye, and this is seen readily by all the comments from non-Christians who call Christians hypocrites while simultaneously standing in awe at the Amish way of life.  There’s something so humble and sweet about a group of people who demand absolutely nothing from the outside world, and one could say their biggest flaw is only that you can’t convert.  In that sense they fail at being in the world where they succeed so thoroughly at not being of the world.

In John, being in the world but not of it is used as a descriptor by Jesus of his disciples.  Later on in Romans Paul makes it more explicitly a requirement for us.  This is not simply a description of a state of being of Christians at the time that Jesus lived, it is something we are all called to live out in our daily lives.  So how do we do this successfully?  What combination of being in the world and not of the world works and has the desired results?

I think Christianity as a whole has many different takes on this, so ultimately it’s up to the individual Christian to figure that out.  Definitely something that will be on my mind for awhile.  What do you all think about being in the world but not of it?  How do you approach that calling?

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Seven Quick Takes: On the Road Again Edition

August 7, 2009 at 1:00 am · Filed under Quick Takes, Uncategorized

Hosted by Jennifer over at Conversion Diary.

— 1 —

In the category of “living the faith” is ministering to the sick and dying and their families.  I hate to start off what could be a quick, fun entry with something so depressing, but this is close enough to my heart that I just can’t not give it first place here.  The excruciating experience of having to wait for several long years for my father to die, spending that time trying my best to live life, while not being completely able to ever focus on anything other than our impending loss and his pain and suffering is something I would never wish on anyone.  But what hurt the most was probably the isolation we felt going through that process.  At a very young age I learned a lot of difficult and painful lessons about courage and friendship and learning to receive support as well as offer it up.  I could go on for far longer about this, but I think this article does the job much better.  It’s by Louise Bonnett-Rampersaud at The Washington Post, and entitled “A Terminal Etiquette: Restoring Order to Lives Turned Upside Down by Illness.”  Somehow, WordPress thinks someone clicked over to here from there, and that’s how I found the article.

— 2 —

I was afraid this trip would be another crazy whirlwind tour like the last one we took with Steven’s family, and I’ve been pleasantly surprised by the presence of downtime during the time.  This makes me a very happy introvert.

— 3 —

Someone commented on a previous entry recently about my conversion from Unitarian Universalism to Catholicism and how very different the two are.  It must be like learning Japanese as an English speaker.  I think the comparison is completely valid.  And while I can give credit to a lot of people and organizations along the way for getting me to Catholicism, I think though they are very different from the Catholic Church, the UUA is largely responsible for getting me “used to” the idea of attending church regularly and being a part of a community.  Learning Catholicism coming from Unitarian Universalism does indeed feel like learning a completely foreign language, but that feeling is dwarfed by the feeling of learning it coming from the completely unchurched childhood I had.  I doubt I ever would have pursued Christianity without first experiencing the “upsides” of belonging to a church community, and I simply wasn’t ready then to learn both how to belong to a community, and a whole system of faith.

But mostly I just find the language analogy to be very cool.

— 4 —

I spent some time in DC today checking out Catholic University of America.  I interviewed with one of the department heads for a program I’m interested in taking down the road when I graduate with my linguistics degree.  The interview went very well, and I think the program would be a good fit for me since it will allow me to do research in areas that I currently am having a difficult time getting permission to work in in my current program.  Seeking admission to the program does require some preparation, however, largely some boning up on Ancient Greek and Latin.  I’ve got Latin covered at school, but Ancient Greek is not offered here, so I’ll have to study that on my own and/or take a summer intensive course somewhere.  Altogether, this makes me a happy linguist.

— 5 —

Hanging out here in rural Virginia is always a kick.  My future father-in-law, Joe, is a Methodist minister, so staying here is always interesting.  You never can be sure who will stop by or what will be happening since people randomly stop by for a visit or to drop something off whenever they feel like it.  The etiquette for random drop-by’s in the country is different than in the city, I’ve noticed.  It’s not like the houses are spread that far apart, but it’s still definitely a drive from one place to another, and so if someone stops by, you know they put some effort into it.  I’ve also noticed they don’t usually stay long.  It’s sometimes just to drop off a gift for the pastor (they just moved here, so largely these are housewarming presents and gifts of homegrown vegetables) or whatever.  And the timing couldn’t be more perfect.  Even in the last location they were at, the random visitors tended to be between meals, when they knew the pastor would be awake and most probably available, but not busy with family.  Overall, it’s a very friendly location.

— 6 —

I made my favorite corn chowder tonight for dinner since the family had been gifted a ton of homegrown sweet corn–some of the best corn I’ve had in AGES.  It was a big hit, and I thought I’d share it since it’s corn season, and since it’s also fairly healthy, cheap, and customizable to preferred spice level.

Ingredients:

  • 4 large ears of corn, de-cobbed (or 3-4 cups of corn kernels, frozen or canned is fine–but drain them)
  • 2 bell peppers (I usually use 1 green and 1 red for color)
  • 1 onion
  • potato flour (you can use instant mashed potatoes just fine for this, or any other thickening agent of your choice)
  • 2 medium potatoes
  • 16 oz. (give or take) chicken stock or broth
  • garlic (or garlic powder)
  • 1 t cumin powder
  • 1 t cayenne pepper (adjust to heat preference)

Directions:

  1. Dice the onions and peppers and put over medium to medium-low heat with a touch of olive oil (or other cooking oil) to soften.  Now is a good time to add the spices.
  2. While those are softening, de-cob the corn if you haven’t already and once the onions and peppers are soft, you can toss the corn into the pot and stir it around.
  3. Peel and dice the potatoes.  I like to do a small dice so that the potatoes aren’t too much bigger than the corn kernels.  Not quite that small, but smaller than a spoon-size.  This will mean they’ll cook very quickly.
  4. Add the chicken stock and potatoes and crank the heat up to high to bring to this to a boil.  Adjust the heat as necessary so that this will simmer until the potatoes are done.
  5. Once the potatoes are done, you can add 2-3 T of potato flour or potato buds to thicken this.  With these you don’t really need to do anything but pour it right into the pot with the soup and stir until it dissolves.  If you’re using cornstarch or flour you might want to adjust the recipe to account for their particular needs.

The great thing about this is that it freezes very nicely.  But if you don’t want leftovers, it’s also pretty easy to pare this down to serve fewer.  This recipe makes enough for 4 hungry people, or 6 less-hungry people.  I recommend going to Trader Joe’s and getting their Mediterranean Yogurt-Cheese to top this with.  Trust me on this–it’s GOOD.

— 7 —

I’m writing this on Thursday night.  Tomorrow, when this post goes up, we’ll be heading into PA to see Amish country.  There’s a tour going on in Lancaster of an old Amish farm and house that sounds really interesting to me.  I will report back later with something more informative and reflective, but right now I just wanted to share my excitement about getting to see up close a life and a culture that is so very different from my own, if only because they focus so intently on God in their daily lives.

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Vacation!

August 3, 2009 at 8:02 pm · Filed under Uncategorized ·Tagged

I think I mentioned this in a previous post, but I will be out of town starting tomorrow night.  I chose not to pre-write entries, so it is unlikely that there will be new content while I’m away.  I am packing a laptop to go with me, but since there will be very little free time left over at the end of the day, I fully expect that I will spend it doing homework.  (I know, what kind of vacation is that where homework still gets done?)  I’m not promising that I won’t write, only that it’s unlikely.

And to illustrate what I mean by “vacation” during grad school:

phd072409s

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Seven Quick Takes: Beverages and Volunteer Edition

July 31, 2009 at 3:43 am · Filed under Quick Takes ·Tagged , , ,

Hosted by Jennifer at Conversion Diary.

— 1 —

The heat hasn’t entirely gone away yet, but it’s subsided a bit.  I think.  I haven’t actually left the apartment since Tuesday, but I’m back to turning off the AC at night because it gets too cold.  This is making me smile, especially since I finally found a pitcher.  I know it’s weird, down here in Los Angeles, that it would have been so difficult to find one.  But between none of stores I’ve been to having them, and it not being my top priority, I hadn’t found one in the three years I’ve lived here.  But then after my meeting with the priest on Tuesday afternoon, I decided it simply wasn’t practical to keep driving out of my way to get iced tea when I am perfectly capable of making it at home to my own liking.  And anyways, Target has a Starbucks in it, so I can get a pitcher AND an iced tea.  I did both, and made it out of Target under $30, a rare feat from what I’ve heard.  No, I didn’t spend that much on a pitcher, but you know Target…  you can’t go there without buying a gazillion things.  My tip is, unless you’re there to buy something heavy, don’t take a cart.  Or a basket.  Ever.  That way you can only leave with what you can carry, and if you’re lazy like me, that won’t be much.

— 2 —

On a similar note, Steven and I have been researching coffee makers for awhile now.  I like my French press, but it’s been difficult finding replacement filters for it lately.  I’m sure I can get them online, but Steven’s expressed an interest in having coffee at home in the morning instead of waiting until he gets to the office.  We were looking at a Keurig, but at $80+ each, it was a little out of our budget.  I tweeted about this and my trip to Target, and some nice person tweeted back to let me know Gevalia has a deal where you get a free programmable coffee maker that normally sells for around $80 when you sign up for their coffee club.  I did that.  I’m awaiting said coffee maker and its accompanying coffee, but I am pre-emptively pleased by that deal.

— 3 —

Can you believe July is almost over?  It is.  Today’s the last day.  My but this summer has gone fast.  Next week I’m going on a trip to the east coast to visit with some of Steven’s family and travel around a bit.  It’ll be my first time going into both PA Amish country, and New York City.  It’s possible there will be a matinee on Broadway, but I’m not sure about those details yet.  Even though I’m nervous about the trip where food is concerned, I’m excited about getting to go to these two parts of the country.

— 4 —

One of the stumbling blocks of being on Weight Watchers for me is its lack of specificity regarding what you eat.  The whole point of what used to be known as the Flex Plan was that you didn’t have to give up everything you love eating.  But this has its own pitfalls as you have to eventually come to terms with the fact that certain things that you love eating, like M&M McFlurries, are half you daily point allotment.  I’ve been craving sweets pretty intensely since I went back on WW (though not as badly as before I went gluten-free), but over the last week or so, those cravings have become less intense.  I think it’s all the iced green tea I’ve drinking.  I can’t be sure, but I’m enjoying it while it lasts, and getting some bite-size dark chocolate Dove candies for when it doesn’t.

— 5 —

I’ve done such a good job finding upbeat things to put here in this Quick Takes, I hate to mention this.  But it’s probably worth mentioning anyway.  I’d been doing a good job of staying on a normal schedule for a few days, and then my arm got all screwed up.  Not sure what I did to it, but the pain kept me up at night.  I went to sleep at around 7AM this morning finally and it’s really starting to make me a little worried since we’re traveling on Tuesday night.  I can’t sleep all day while I’m traveling!  How do you moms out there do it, with the crazy schedules?  Do you just accept that it’s crazy and go with it, or do you have a method you like to get you back on schedule?

— 6 —

A Catholic etiquette question: am I supposed to wait until after I’m confirmed to get involved in parish ministries?  I’d like to start volunteering again, but I’m not really sure where to start.  When I was in the Unitarian Universalist Church, I taught Sunday School and really enjoyed it.  I’d like to get involved in teaching-related things again, but obviously religious education of children is a sensative issue and I could see how parents or church leaders might object to an unbaptized, unconfirmed person being involved in the religious education of the children.  I’m sure I can find something else to volunteer at in the mean time.

— 7 —

That’s all I’ve got in me this week.  Nothing terribly exciting going on here in my life these days that I haven’t already written about.  If you want some more reading, I recommend wandering over to Busted Halo and see what they’re up to these days.  I’m really getting more and more interested in their young adult ministry the more I listen to their radio show and podcast.  We really need something like that here in the Valley, but I wouldn’t even know where to start.  Maybe after I’ve recieved the Sacraments I’ll look into getting involved in something like that.

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Facebook and Forgiveness

July 30, 2009 at 5:44 pm · Filed under Living the Faith ·Tagged , , , ,

It seems everyone is on Facebook these days.  EVERYONE.  Including one of my least favorite aunts and her daughter, my cousin.  This is an aunt I haven’t talked to since my father died.  Before that I hadn’t heard from her in YEARS.  I don’t know about how other families deal with the whole communication issue, but I swear my family’s preferred method is by assumed ESP.  The only thing one can accurately assume about the ESP method is that it does not work well.

You know how Facebook suggests people to make friends with on Facebook?  In addition to making me findable by my family, it also suggests to me some of the people from high school and college and recently here in LA that I don’t really want to keep in touch with.  But they’re friends of friends.  Most of these aren’t people I hold grudges against, and I’m sure we could manage some friendly small talk if put us in the same room, but they’re just not people I mesh with well.  But mixed in with those are a bunch of people I don’t recognize, and a few I really do want to exclude from my life, some with good reason.

But it makes me question, every time I see their pictures and names, have I really forgiven them for the wrongs I think they’ve committed against me?  Can you really forgive if you don’t also forget?  I think you can, but sometimes I wonder if I’m wrong.

Take my family for instance.  With most of the people I’ve stopped actively including in my life intentionally, there was some discussion of our differences beforehand–some attempt at reconciliation.  But with my family that’s never been the case.  I keep in touch with my immediate family, and am quite close to them.  But my extended family is a group of people who may as well be strangers.  I barely know them.  When my family moved to a different state, we basically lost touch with them except for a few phone calls exchanged now and then and Christmas cards.

One of the aspects of my faith that I struggle with the most is forgiveness.  I wish I could say I were just holding a grudge against my family because they forgot about us in the midst of their busy lives.  If it were just that, I think forgiveness wouldn’t be needed.  But they also forgot about their obligations to protect their family members, and three of my cousins were irreparably hurt in the process.  My own parents refused to do anything about it as well, leaving me alone as a kid to try to get my cousins the help and protection they needed.  I’m trying not to reveal too many details here because it’s such a sensitive issue, but it’s difficult.  And when they got older, when I got older, I also stopped trying to help.  The grudge I hold isn’t just against my family.

Clearly forgiveness is something I have a lot to learn about, and somehow it’s Facebook that made me realize this.  My aunt told me she loved me on Facebook.  That’s the first time I’ve heard that from her in as long as I can remember.  (I can’t help but wonder, if Facebook had been around earlier in my life, would I have lost touch with so many people, including some of my own family?)

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Welcome!

July 29, 2009 at 6:27 pm · Filed under Uncategorized

I’ve had a lot of new visitors clicking over from Conversion Diary, and I just wanted to say a quick “Welcome!” and invite you to introduce yourselves in the comment section if you want.  :)

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Favor of Faith

July 28, 2009 at 9:45 pm · Filed under Conversion Story ·Tagged , , , ,

Divorce and Conversion

One of the reasons I felt compelled to start this blog is because I have made so many mistakes in my life that nearly prevented me from ever trying to convert. There was a time when I believed that the Catholic Church just simply wouldn’t take a sinner like me. It’s not like I’m an ex-gang member or a murderer or something, but even those are things that I know the Catholic Church forgives. But somewhere along the way I got the impression that the Church wouldn’t accept me because I got a divorce. I thought that to be a Catholic I had to always agree with the Church as well, though that’s a discussion for another blog entry.

When I first started exploring Catholicism seriously, the first hurdle I had to jump over were these two. I needed to know that I would be welcomed into the Church even though I don’t always agree with it, and I needed to know that I would welcomed in and allowed to remarry. I really don’t want to have to choose between my fiance and God. One of the first things I found was the lack of encouragement and information out there regarding the process. I did find a wonderful book explaining it all eventually, but even that wasn’t entirely what I was looking for. I wanted to know, If I try to convert and ask for an annulment in the process, even though that’s “allowed” will I be treated like a leper because of it? I really just had to jump into RCIA to find out, and my answer was a resounding NO, I would not be treated like a leper. I was treated very gently and kindly, and that hasn’t changed. But my hope in telling this here, now, is that someday if someone else is in my position, my story will encourage them to escape the black hole of internet research and jump in as well. It’s my hope that I can encourage someone else who is hesitating to pursue the sacraments because of past mistakes to jump in and pursue them anyway. God is merciful, and though our country is plagued by divorce and annulments, and the pain associated with those, there are nonetheless reasons to hope.

The Process

The process of getting an annulment is not a fast one. Most dioceses (Wikipedia says that’s the plural, but it just sounds wrong, don’t you think?) will not give you a time frame to avoid causing any unnecessary disappointment, but for me this left me feeling like it was hopeless to even to try. If it’s so complicated they can’t even give a time frame for how long it will take, then who knows if I will ever get to fully join the faith through the sacraments! What I ended up finding out in my research is that here in the Archdiocese of Los Angeles, annulments (and the related process of “Favor of Faith” which I’ll describe in a bit) can take oftentimes somewhere around a year to complete. It is not uncommon that it would be shorter or longer depending on the individual circumstances, and so that year estimation I gave you can vary wildly. This is good to know so that you are aware that if you start RCIA in January of one year, you’d be “scheduled” to receive the sacraments with your RCIA group on Easter of the following year. This means that if you’re interested in pursuing an annulment, don’t procrastinate like I did–talk to your parish priest as soon as you feel comfortable doing so.

I just did that today, in fact. This means I can’t tell you how long my annulment will take. I don’t even know if I’ll get an annulment. No worry though, the priest was confident that all would be well. He thinks I won’t get an annulment because my case actually falls under a process called “Favor of Faith” which basically just means that since the marriage wasn’t sacramental and since I haven’t been baptized, and since this is my only barrier to conversion and reception of the sacraments, the Catholic Church reserves the ability to act in favor of the faith by granting me what’s called “a favor of faith” such that I am then able to remarry. Sort of like an annulment, but the certificate has different wording on it.

I’m not explaining this well, or entirely expressing the graveness of annulment, so I thought I’d add a collection of links at the bottom here that DO explain this far better than I could.  I may be a researchy bookwormy type, but when it comes to canon law and annulments, I’m in way over my head.  So here are a few good explanatory resources:

  • St. Cloud Diocese’s Annulment FAQ – This is a really good resource about the basics of an annulment
  • Catholic Insight: The Annulment Crisis in the Church – A fairly in-depth overview of the divorce and annulment crisis in North America.
  • I Do Take Two’s Catholic Annulment FAQ – This includes some information on what qualifies a marriage as sacramentally valid, and what would make one invalid. Some of the information overlaps with the first link I provided, but they complement each other well overall.
  • American Catholic’s Ten Questions About Annulments – This also overlaps a bit with the other FAQ’s, but goes more in-depth into canon discussion, and also has case studies at the end that illustrate the thorny, complicated issues a bit more clearly.
  • Catechism of the Catholic Church: Divorce – This is what the Catechism says about divorce and remarriage.
  • Busted Halo Show on Annulment – This is a Sirius XM radio show they do on the Catholic Channel. It’s free online as a podcast, and if this doesn’t answer any of your remaining questions, they have a number you can call to ask more questions. This may or may not load. I had to use Google’s cached version to get it, but if you want you can also find it through iTunes. It’s the 08/12/08, hour 3 episode.

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